At present the World Population Clock is reading 6521million. One of them has been convicted of involvement in the destruction of the World Trade Center that lowered the count by 2752 on 11th September 2001. Last October two more terrorists were arrested in Sarajevo and in March this year the War on Terror almost doubled its success rate when a man was arrested in Atlanta. Unfortunately his accomplice escaped to Bangladesh where blackmail and bullying…of the government…should get him sent back to the USA.

So there must have been much rejoicing among the Executioners of the War on Terror last week when the Royal Canadian Mounted Police came up with their enormous haul of seventeen terror suspects in one fell swoop. Regrettably Suspects is all they are. None of them has been charged. But expect a caution or two for minor firearm violations in a couple of month’s time. I could add the 600 detainees in Guantanamo Bay but nobody gets charged with anything in there. Once in you are there until you commit suicide for propaganda purposes….which at the present rate means there will only be a handful left by the end of the year.

And so to England now that summer has arrived. George Bush had his ninth of September so Tony Blair had to have his seventh of July. Stephen Harper and Bill Blair are basking in the success of their anti-terrorist operation in Toronto…these Blairs are everywhere like mutants from X-Men…so John Reid and Ian Blair must have their own basking opportunity in London. These dated events are useful as patriotic fervour can be whipped up annually without going through it all again. Poppy Day lasted almost a hundred years before anyone felt the need to rebrand it.

But oh dear! The fiendishly clever Al Qaeda has discovered disinformation and has been feeding false information to the Stupidity Services to undermine their operational efficiency and make them a laughing stock. Let Private Eye’s terrorist correspondent W.M. Deedes take up the story. ‘The Prime Minister today defended the invasion of a house in Lansdown Road, Forest Gate, insisting that ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ would eventually be found there. The invasion by 250 crack police marksmen and chemical warfare experts was based he said on ‘foolproof evidence contained in a dossier compiled by the intelligence services’.

‘It may take time,’ he continued, ‘to find the weapons in the house but make no mistake they will be found…unless they have been moved out to a neighbouring borough. Anyway this is a big house…a one-up one-down…and there is even a garden shed at the back. These weapons could be anywhere or nowhere. As I speak officers are in a wardrobe upstairs with a torch. Sooner or later they are bound to find something…unless they don’t.’

The Prime Minister was then asked about the unfortunate shooting of various members of the household during the invasion to which he replied, ‘It is unfortunate that there have been civilian casualties but in the war on terror there is bound to be collateral damage.’ The Prime Minister finally handed out copies of the intelligence dossier which he had printed out from the internet which made the sensational claim that deadly mothballs the size of a marble were capable of killing millions of people in Britain within 45 minutes.'

The trouble is that this is starting to make peace-loving citizens increasingly nervous. In my case for instance I am now bracing myself for a dawn raid on my Post Office Box. “We know you’re in there! Come out with your hands up!” You know the kind of thing. I won’t be charged of course…that is not The English Way any more…but there will be leaks to my friend Paul Ashford at the Daily Express and warnings to choose his company with more care as I have been groomed by a skilled propagandist suspected of destroying private property in Ireland…although John Seymour always insisted that it was the fairies and not the Knights of Gaia that destroyed the GM crops.

Private Eye ended its report by citing the Prime Minister. ‘We had no choice,’ he insisted. ‘We had to invade and we will stay in this troubled borough of East London for as long as it takes to restore democracy.’ This is the tack they’re all taking. And with the Fine Art of Crap Detecting in terminal decline they are getting away with it too. It’s the most awful load of codswallop if you really start to think about it. Here’s a suggestion for Our Brave Boys in Blue.

The next time the Stupidity Services come to you with one of their Nudge-nudge Wink-wink Hot-off-the-Presses Tip-offs from an Al-Qaeda Double Agent in their employ trot along to your friendly neighbourhood magistrate and get yourself a Search Warrant. Then give it to a young eager Moslem policewoman and tell her to take one of her female colleagues along to the address, knock on the door and explain about the anonymous tip-off the police have received.

This could do wonders for Community Relations. Moslems respect women…which is more than can be said for Christians and Materialists…so no harm will come to them. They might even speak the local language. If the clever young ladies play their cards right they will not have to produce the search warrant, or terrorise the neighbourhood, or shoot innocent civilians, or waste thousands of hours of police time or munch their way through a million pounds of taxpayers’ money. George Orwell is the pen name of Eric Blair the author of 1984…born in Bengal India.