With dark nights upon us and the shops full of Winter Solstice Cheer…to be politically correct…my Hey Fellow Well Met! greeting is spiced with a daily rundown…not of Shopping Days to Christmas which are of little consequence to Sad Live-Alones without Festive Family Connections…but of Days to Winter Solstice. Hale and hearty I merrily declare: ‘Days Start To Get Longer in 28 Days!’ This goes down better at this time of the year than ‘Nights are Drawing In!’ immediately after Mid-Summer. My official Longest Night occurs on Thursday 21st December to allow a day of rest before my Japanese Rising Sun Celebrations two days later on the Emperor’s Birthday.

Last week I ran an experiment. Results are in. Ten Pound Coins last seven Days. Operant conditions? Warm Weather outside and Coal Stove going inside on two evenings. Some time in the next two weeks my Winter Fuel Allowance drops into my account. A two-pronged Energy Strategy had been devised to greet this happy event. Here it is.

First I will embark upon a couple of trolley runs to Sea Cruisers to fetch four 25kgs sacks of coal. Secondly the electricity meter will be force-fed Pound Coins until it can take no more. Add Fire Lighters from the supermarket and some Kindling Gleaning around the boatyard…and voilà…all set until well into the New Year.

So much for the best laid plans of mice and men. Big lift-out two weeks ago so with a lovely weekend promised up on the bank boats were being worked on…including my new neighbour. Computer, lights, radio and CD-Players do not work off an empty meter but as far as electricity usage is concerned, they can be ignored. My 2 kilowatt-hour fan heater is another matter…Hey Big Spender! But if I use the oil-filled electric heater sparingly then no problem. Wrong! Power tools use electricity and my neighbour plans to work weekends. His boat runs off Vemara’s meter.

We assured each other how laid back we both were about it. We agreed to keep an eye on the situation. And we would not mutter under our breath if we felt short-changed but talk to each other. The last thing either wanted was to record coins in and kilowatt-hours out.

Nonetheless, after briefly believing that I had total control, cooperation came as a bit of a shock. I spent today finding excuses to offer up Ten-Pound Notes at cafés and shops in Rye and Hastings. Never have so many Two-pound Coins and Five-Pound Notes been given as change for a Tenner.

November has turned wild and wet with snow on the hills up north. Not before time. I have yet to find anyone in Rye who remembers a year when the trees lining Whitehall were still in full green leaf on Remembrance Sunday. Perhaps New Labour has stealthily replaced them with Douglas Firs under EU Draft Directive THD01212881790. The good news is that last month, Westminster Road Sweepers picked up only half their normal 40-ton October Leaves Quota.

Sunny days and cool nights should be ideal for boosting the sugar content in leaves so they produce the red-coloured anthocyanins which give Maples their distinctive autumnal look. Why do they bother? One theory is that the red pigment behaves like a sun screen protecting the foliage from intense autumn sunshine while they salvage valuable nutrients from the leaves before finally shedding them.

Tree Tourism is big business in New England. It’s what to do between Labor Day and Thanksgiving. Could there be something here for Blair’s Brassy Britain? Lengthen the Tourist Season by declaring the end of October to be Leaf Week. Then bring on the Yanks for a Leaves & Fawkes Experience…complete with computers predicting daily percentages like the New Englanders. Computers can predict anything so this is for programmers and copy-writers.

The leaves of Lime Trees are a delicate yellow with the light shining through them. Beeches are a tumultuous riot of deep yellow and brilliant orange. Scarlet Oaks from New England have jagged vivid red leaves which after last night’s storm were all over the high street even though there was not a tree in site. Perhaps Henry James had them planted in the garden of Lamb House a hundred years ago so he wouldn’t feel too homesick? This might explain some of the orange-brown leaves with yellow veins mixed in amongst them. Yellow Poplars are big in Vermont and are sometimes called Tulip Trees because in spring both their leaves and flowers are tulip-shaped.

Beneath Horse Chestnut Trees are lots of long stalks. When a tree sheds its leaves the stalks separate and stay put while the leaves get blown away. Why do they do this? If Linnaeus had his way the People of Rye would take Nature Walks every weekend and discuss such matters of an evening under the auspices of the Royal Rye Botanical Society.